January 2018 was an eventful month for me. It’s taken me this long to sort a few things out and come to terms with some other things. “C’est la vie” was never a more useful phrase.
The beginning of the month saw a relationship change, and it’s yet to be determined what the result of it will be. I remain hopeful. I’ve been assured it is not foolish nor stupid to be in this mindset from the only person who matters. This is good.
My ma died January 25 after a 2-year run-in with cancer. It was thought that she would three years ago, so I started the mourning process then. OCD demands I get pre-emptive on occasion so I don’t wind up falling prey to compulsions. I’ve worked way too hard at normalizing myself to let it all fall apart. There was some relief when she passed as she’s not suffering anymore. I had been back to Canada just a week before to say goodbye, and that wouldn’t have been possible without family doing what they could to ensure she had one last wish fulfilled before the end.
It was two days before that I was assured I was being neither foolish nor stupid. It was one day after a bit of my world was restored a bit more. Four days after, on January 29, I started a new job. According to some others, it’s a bit odd that I was able to do that while not breaking down and managing to retain training information. We must move forward. Maybe I just deal with death a little better than some? Grandad’s death was crippling emotionally and mentally. So was dad’s. That was when I realized I needed to come up with a way to deal with it better.
I’ve also come to realize that I have a single source of unhindered, always-there happiness. Here’s to hoping I regain it. In the mean time. More Python practice, more writing, more working on getting that novel published. Death, new job, and the unexpected journey to the homeland and back caused the publish date get pushed back. Almost through edits!