You Want to Do What While Wearing a Diamond Ring?
May 02, 2011 | ~3 mins read time.

Mar 24 12:59:12 {Edwin} nice profile
Mar 24 13:00:11 {Me} Yes, it's lovely.
Mar 24 13:00:49 {Edwin} when I saw the blood, I licked my lips
Mar 24 13:01:35 {Me} I'm sure you did. Did you miss the umpteen bits about "out of order", "non-sexual", and (husband's nick deleted)?
Mar 24 13:02:46 {Edwin} yeah, I saw that, but it didn't say anything about fisting and scratching your inner walls with a diamond ring
Mar 24 13:02:49 {Edwin} grins
Mar 24 13:10:47 {Me} That would fall under sexual. Go away.

That's a snippet from one of my IRC logs. It's only that long. I put the Edwin person on ignore about two seconds after I told it to go away. I've deleted identifying nicks. If you figure out what server it happened on and go there to harass this Edwin individual, have fun. Most people, upon seeing it, instantly hone in on the part where he says "fisting and scratching your inner walls with a diamond ring" because it's batshit crazy. He could have said "boring your anus with a loaded rocket launcher", and it would have been the same. My real issues, however, were much more fundamental than that.

I would like to make two points and one plea using this example. The first is this - if someone explicitly states that they are not interested in doing anything at all without their significant other present via a profile on a website or an IRC bot, it should be taken as gospel and they should be left alone..

Second, if a person states that they are not available for any role play of a sexual nature do not, suggest that you are going to fist them anyway. Fisting is a sexual act. That falls under the sexual heading. The direct opposite of the non-sexual heading. This applies to both online and offline interactions. If I am at a party, a pub, a bar, or wherever with my partner, and I tell someone I'm not interested and would they like to be introduced to my partner I expect that person to laugh and wander off.

Finally, the plea is related to both of my issues with persistent asshats such as this Edwin character. It is to everyone like "Edwin" who think they are God's gift to something or other and that everyone else should bow down before them like subjects to a sovereign and to people (women especially) who say they don't fuck around and then proceed to do just that when they get horny or desperate enough. The former are dick heads, but it's the latter who breeds them.

A person can't be faulted for trying. He can be faulted for being an asshole about being shot down, though - learn to graciously accept loss and failure. The ones who get me the most riled are the ones who feed this sort of behaviour in the first place: All the women and men out there who "play hard to get" only to give it up as soon as the "public" isn't watching; who doth protest too much, but continue to feed the flames and eventually give in, and everyone knows it; and those who say they are with someone as an excuse to fend off the more noble of pursuers and yet spread for asshats like Edwin at the first opportunity.

Just... stop. Stop feeding the fucking trolls and be honest about what you want. If you want to role play as the coy innocent who has to be persuaded, then outright say so. Do not actually live your life as the coy innocent who has to be persuaded because you're going to find that you'll either ruin a good man or attract the horrible ones and then wonder why the former turned into an asshole or why you never attract a good man. Most of all, just stop for the sake of other people if you have to. The rest of humanity should not have to put up with the byproducts of your sexual idiocy.